| What is 3 months?? 90 days? A season, such as fall or winter? 3 packs of birth control pills? 30 days is NOTHING. And that's how much longer my grandma's doctors expect her to live. Despite chemo and radiation, her cancer has pretty much attacked her liver, and probably her bones, too. She'll find that out for sure after her bone scan tomorrow. She'll go back to the doctor next week and make an appointment for hospice to come out to her house. She doesn't want to do any more treatments- her doctor didn't recommend it, and it probably wouldn't help anyway. And yet she's fine. Not afraid at all. She actually told my dad to go to church tonight and request prayer for her daughters and granddaughters. I've cried a lot today. I think I'm still in shock- its like this isn't even happening. But at the same time, I'm grateful. Grateful that she knows God, that she knows where she'll be when she takes her last breath. Grateful that she got to know and love my children. Grateful for the privalidge to have her as my Mamaw. Right now I'm too beat to think about this anymore. I hope I can sleep tonight. |
Monday, February 4, 2008
3 months
Friday, February 1, 2008
Jordan Turns 2
Jordan turned 2 years old this past Monday, on January 28th. His official b-day party isn't until March (we are having his and Shaun's parties together at our karate studio). On Monday, though, we had the grandparents over for cake and gifts. The biggest hit gift-wise was the John Deer tractor with trailer and loader, which was given by Pop and Susie. He LOVES it- if only the weather would cooperate long enough for him to really learn to drive it.
I've been thinking a lot about the day he was born. I remember all of the drama- his heart rate being high at my OB appointment, going to the hospital with my mom, watching as he kicked the amnio needle from inside my womb (which left a scratch on his little foot!), watching Dr Harrison nearly have a meltdown because 1) no one could find an ultra-sound machine to use during the amnio 2) upon finally finding the machine he opened the amnio kit to find there was no needle, sighing and crying tears of relief upon hearing Jordan's precious cry after the c-section- Shaun didn't cry right after his birth. That's how I new something was wrong. And then later, the absolute terror when the nurse had to take him back to the nursery because of an infection. For days, we waited on spinal tap results which would let us know whether or not we were dealing with meningitus. As it turned out, it was only an infection which was treated with antibiotics. Looking back, I can definitely see God's hand in the whole situation. For example, if Jordan's heart rate hadn't been high at my appointment, I would have gone home thinking nothing was wrong. It turns out that the heart rate was an indicator of the infection. When I got to the hospital it was back to normal, but my doctor decided to go ahead with the c-section 3 weeks early due to what all had happened with Shaun. If we hadn't gotten him out when we did, the outcome would have probably been a lot worse. Thank you, God, for taking care of my children!
I remember holding him for the first time and not recognizing him. I think I was expecting him to look like Shaun, but he didn't. He looked just like Chris. He had a bruise on his nose because I carried him so low for sooo long(!), a scratch on his foot from his fight with the amnio needle, and suck marks on his hand. He sucked his 3 middle fingers for the first few days. How precious he was!
Nowadays, Jordan is still precious- in different ways! He is hyper- oh so hyper. He is never still, and LOVES to climb. Some of his other favorite things are:
- his brother Shaun
- his Pop
- his cousin Keri-lyn
- Elmo
-music- he's actually already starting to sing along with songs.
- climbing
- his pacifier- we're working on getting him to give it up!
- shoes
- his Mamaw
- I don't know his name, but the man at church who works in Kidpak Jr. Jordan will actually jump out of my arms to say "Whazzup" to him each Sunday and Wednesday.
-Wonder Pets
-Backyardigans
- Riding in the Gator with Shaun
- being outdoors
- karate kicks
And too many other things to count. He really is a joy, and I love him so much.
I've been thinking a lot about the day he was born. I remember all of the drama- his heart rate being high at my OB appointment, going to the hospital with my mom, watching as he kicked the amnio needle from inside my womb (which left a scratch on his little foot!), watching Dr Harrison nearly have a meltdown because 1) no one could find an ultra-sound machine to use during the amnio 2) upon finally finding the machine he opened the amnio kit to find there was no needle, sighing and crying tears of relief upon hearing Jordan's precious cry after the c-section- Shaun didn't cry right after his birth. That's how I new something was wrong. And then later, the absolute terror when the nurse had to take him back to the nursery because of an infection. For days, we waited on spinal tap results which would let us know whether or not we were dealing with meningitus. As it turned out, it was only an infection which was treated with antibiotics. Looking back, I can definitely see God's hand in the whole situation. For example, if Jordan's heart rate hadn't been high at my appointment, I would have gone home thinking nothing was wrong. It turns out that the heart rate was an indicator of the infection. When I got to the hospital it was back to normal, but my doctor decided to go ahead with the c-section 3 weeks early due to what all had happened with Shaun. If we hadn't gotten him out when we did, the outcome would have probably been a lot worse. Thank you, God, for taking care of my children!
I remember holding him for the first time and not recognizing him. I think I was expecting him to look like Shaun, but he didn't. He looked just like Chris. He had a bruise on his nose because I carried him so low for sooo long(!), a scratch on his foot from his fight with the amnio needle, and suck marks on his hand. He sucked his 3 middle fingers for the first few days. How precious he was!
Nowadays, Jordan is still precious- in different ways! He is hyper- oh so hyper. He is never still, and LOVES to climb. Some of his other favorite things are:
- his brother Shaun
- his Pop
- his cousin Keri-lyn
- Elmo
-music- he's actually already starting to sing along with songs.
- climbing
- his pacifier- we're working on getting him to give it up!
- shoes
- his Mamaw
- I don't know his name, but the man at church who works in Kidpak Jr. Jordan will actually jump out of my arms to say "Whazzup" to him each Sunday and Wednesday.
-Wonder Pets
-Backyardigans
- Riding in the Gator with Shaun
- being outdoors
- karate kicks
And too many other things to count. He really is a joy, and I love him so much.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Fruits From the Fast
Believe it or not, we're already having some answered prayers, before the fast is even over!
One of Shaun's resource teachers found me at school today to tell me that she's seen a "noticeable improvement" in his math and reading skills. In fact, she said she was "just tickled". School has been a real struggle this year, and to hear those words coming from a lady who just doesn't sugar-coat anything- well, it was HUGE! I also found a way to get Shaun to take his new seizure medication. The receptionist at his psychiatrist's office told me to try putting it in applesauce. I had my doubts, but tried it tonight and it worked. Praise be to God.
Chris and I have also been fasting for our finances to improve. We had a big insurance bill to pay, and the money was just not there. We've been praying so hard for God to help us find a way to take care of this- and He did. We got our bill paid last night- before the cancellation deadline today. That's 3 prayer requests already ansered. I can't wait to see what else He's got in store for us. Thank you, God!
One of Shaun's resource teachers found me at school today to tell me that she's seen a "noticeable improvement" in his math and reading skills. In fact, she said she was "just tickled". School has been a real struggle this year, and to hear those words coming from a lady who just doesn't sugar-coat anything- well, it was HUGE! I also found a way to get Shaun to take his new seizure medication. The receptionist at his psychiatrist's office told me to try putting it in applesauce. I had my doubts, but tried it tonight and it worked. Praise be to God.
Chris and I have also been fasting for our finances to improve. We had a big insurance bill to pay, and the money was just not there. We've been praying so hard for God to help us find a way to take care of this- and He did. We got our bill paid last night- before the cancellation deadline today. That's 3 prayer requests already ansered. I can't wait to see what else He's got in store for us. Thank you, God!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Fasting and miracles
Shaun got a double-dose of heavy prayer tonight. We all went to church early with Chris, and before band practice the members of the Kidpak band all laid hands on Shaun while praying for his healing. They also praid for Chris and I, so that we would have knowledge on how to care for him and for our marriage. They prayed for Shaun's doctors. Pretty powerful stuff.
After the service Chris, the boys and I walked through the prayer line in the Miracle Service. We were all prayed for and annointed with oil. Also pretty powerful stuff. God's spirit was so full in that room that the air was thick. No joke. I've never felt His presence in quite that way before. I have every belief that Shaun can be healed.
The fast ends on Sunday. I think I'm feeling led to fast longer than the 21 days. I don't feel like I'm done, and honestly, I don't feel like I've taken this fast seriously enough. I've followed the guidelines well enough, but I don't feel like I've prayed and studied the Word the way I should have. So tomorrow I'm beginning a 3 day total fast. I'm going to try my best to make it to Sunday with no food- only juice and water. During those 3 days I'm going to pray and read non-stop. I feel in my heart that God is asking this of me. It will probably be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I actually considered calling the fast off tonight, since we had all been prayed for. What wishful thinking! :)
During the next 3 days I will be praying for the healing of Shaun's mind. I'll pray for my marriage and out finances. I'll pray for my Grandma's healing. But most of all I'll pray that God will show me contentment in my life, no matter what the circumstance. That, I believe, is the key to true happiness.
After the service Chris, the boys and I walked through the prayer line in the Miracle Service. We were all prayed for and annointed with oil. Also pretty powerful stuff. God's spirit was so full in that room that the air was thick. No joke. I've never felt His presence in quite that way before. I have every belief that Shaun can be healed.
The fast ends on Sunday. I think I'm feeling led to fast longer than the 21 days. I don't feel like I'm done, and honestly, I don't feel like I've taken this fast seriously enough. I've followed the guidelines well enough, but I don't feel like I've prayed and studied the Word the way I should have. So tomorrow I'm beginning a 3 day total fast. I'm going to try my best to make it to Sunday with no food- only juice and water. During those 3 days I'm going to pray and read non-stop. I feel in my heart that God is asking this of me. It will probably be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I actually considered calling the fast off tonight, since we had all been prayed for. What wishful thinking! :)
During the next 3 days I will be praying for the healing of Shaun's mind. I'll pray for my marriage and out finances. I'll pray for my Grandma's healing. But most of all I'll pray that God will show me contentment in my life, no matter what the circumstance. That, I believe, is the key to true happiness.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
And now they're found
FINALLY found the keys to my car this afternoon...in my room...against the wall...buried under a pile of papers and clothes. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to clean up my room.
Lost keys
I've been looking for my keys all day. Chris says he put them on top of the piano when he got home from work yesterday, but they're not there now. I have my doubts that he really put them there. Maybe Jordan found them and hid them somewhere else. My dad had to take Shaun to school this morning. He also had to go to the bank for me and pick Shaun up after school. Chris better get home and find those keys!
Monday, January 21, 2008
The Devil's agitated
I heard at church yesterday that the Devil gets agitated when you fast and pray and, for lack of a better word, attacks you. I definitely feel like he's agitated with me. Chris and I have faced some major trials since last week, and so far this week isn't looking much better.
I had this fantasy that I would begin my fast and the struggles in my life would immediately improve. What a joke! If anything, things have gotten worse- Shaun's behavior is awful, he got another bad report card, Jordan's been sick, I'm depressed, and our finances our suffering. One thing's for sure: Satan really knows how to push our buttons.
But I realized something today. My blessings will come AFTER the fast, not during. I really feel in my heart that God is getting ready to work some major miracles in my life- it makes sense that Satan would be angry about that. He (Satan) wants to see me miserable. And he knows that God's going to bless me for fasting. So of course the Devil's going to try anything and everything to discourage me from fasting. I'm determined to stay strong. I may even fast for 20 more days, if that's the way God leads. Who knows? I'm learning to stay open to new possibilities.
We sang a new song at church yesterday that was so fitting to my situation right now. I've heard it once before, but was extra blessed by it yesterday. The chorus is:
"So I will praise you in the good times and bad; I'll praise you whether happy or sad. I'll praise you in all that I go through because praise is what I do. And I owe it all to you."
Wow. Talk about a reality check. I was in such a horrible mood yesterday. That song put me in my place. My prayer is that I'll always be able to give Him praise, regardless of my circumstances.
I had this fantasy that I would begin my fast and the struggles in my life would immediately improve. What a joke! If anything, things have gotten worse- Shaun's behavior is awful, he got another bad report card, Jordan's been sick, I'm depressed, and our finances our suffering. One thing's for sure: Satan really knows how to push our buttons.
But I realized something today. My blessings will come AFTER the fast, not during. I really feel in my heart that God is getting ready to work some major miracles in my life- it makes sense that Satan would be angry about that. He (Satan) wants to see me miserable. And he knows that God's going to bless me for fasting. So of course the Devil's going to try anything and everything to discourage me from fasting. I'm determined to stay strong. I may even fast for 20 more days, if that's the way God leads. Who knows? I'm learning to stay open to new possibilities.
We sang a new song at church yesterday that was so fitting to my situation right now. I've heard it once before, but was extra blessed by it yesterday. The chorus is:
"So I will praise you in the good times and bad; I'll praise you whether happy or sad. I'll praise you in all that I go through because praise is what I do. And I owe it all to you."
Wow. Talk about a reality check. I was in such a horrible mood yesterday. That song put me in my place. My prayer is that I'll always be able to give Him praise, regardless of my circumstances.
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